HOME Secretary Jack Straw is keen on the idea of a Great Britain football team.

No-one else is.

Aside from the fact the other three nations have such a paucity of talent that they have to draw most of their players from the Nationwide League, anti-English fervour is what keeps the game alive.

The Tartan horde were so happy after their win at Wembley in the Euro 2000 play-offs they forgot that they hadn't actually qualified.

Welshmen would like nothing more than to beat England. The problem is, they are so feeble at the moment the FA doesn't consider the fixture worthwhile.

They stumble from disaster to disaster, the odd good result making them think they might one day make a tournament.

Wales are now officially ranked among the footballing minnows. They are seeded alongside the likes of Macedonia.

Northern Ireland, the country of my forefathers, are even worse. Iain Dowie, the Mr World contestant from the QPR reserves, still plays up front.

Think of the political implications of Northern Irishmen playing for Great Britain.

The nationalist population there find it difficult enough supporting Northern Ireland, a country they don't recognise as having any historical basis. The idea of a united Britain team would sicken them.

Can you imagine Gerry Adams and his Sinn Fein chums cheering on the Brits? Maybe we'll hear him shout "Brits move out," when they are playing the offside trap.

England are bad enough as it is without having their squad diluted by also-rans from the fringes of Great Britain.

Of the non-English, only Ryan Giggs would be an automatic selection in the GB side. And, as any Welshman will tell you, Giggsy's dedication to his national cause is considerably less than 100 percent.

Even so, selecting the manager and the team would lead to mutiny around the nation.

Only someone with absolutely no interest in football and zero appreciation of its history could come up with such a notion.

Step forward Mr Straw.

His Tory counterpart Francis Maude made a fool of himself talking about football last week, so presumably Mr Straw wanted to even the score.

However, there is some sense in the idea. The Tories are always accusing the government of pressing for a United Europe.

Imagine the united Great Britain and Europe team. Then we really would have something to cheer about: Barthez; Thuram, Desailly, Cannavaro, Maldini; Zidane, Figo, Davids, Keane; Henry, Kluiverts.

Makes you proud to be English.