I cannot forgive him for killing our baby

Little Sacha Iles was three months old when she was shaken so violently by her father Mark Stephenson that she was left blind and deaf.

Her injuries were so severe that doctors told Miss Iles, now 24, that her baby would not survive. Four months later the child, who Stephenson called his princess, died from a fit.

Last week 30-year-old Stephenson, of Saxon Close, Cricklade, was found guilty of the manslaughter of Sacha and he will be sentenced in the New Year.

Miss Iles, who has decided not to have any further contact with Stephenson's family as a way to move forward, says she will never forgive and forget.

She said: "I don't think I'll ever be able to understand why it happened to my little baby or come to terms with it. And I won't let myself forgive Mark."

She told the jury at Bristol Crown Court that Stephenson had been a brilliant father up to the day in September 2000 that he shook Sacha.

Speaking after the verdict, she said: "I still maintain that he was a very good father up to that point. He loved showing her off and was a doting dad.

"I remember at the time feeling so confused. Doctors were stating that the extent of her injuries showed it had to be non-accidental but at the same time I still believed that Mark would not have done it on purpose.

"But she died through what he did."

Miss Iles recalled being told the extent of Sacha's brain damage, and described the care and treatment her baby needed in the months preceding her death.

Miss Iles said: "She was left blind and deaf, but it was so much more than that. The doctors all said that she would definitely die. It was just a case of when.

"At first she was in intensive care attached to tubes and needles, and had a machine breathing for her.

"At the beginning of October Sacha was taken off the drugs to encourage her to wake up naturally but apart from the odd couple of breaths she made no response.

"There was no movement or glimmer of recognition at all. Nothing.

"Then on Friday October 13 her tube was removed and she carried on breathing. We were all so proud."

Miss Iles took her baby daughter home to care for her herself in November after receiving training in life saving procedures from staff at Swindon's Princess Margaret Hospital.

She said: "I stayed constantly with her when she was in hospital but wanted to take her home. So I learned how to insert her feeding tube into her nose, which had to be changed every week.

"There were certain vital precautionary tests such as checking to make sure the tube was going to her stomach instead of her lungs.

"She also was left without any instinctive reactions. So she couldn't sniff or cough. As a result I would use a suction to remove her secretions from her nose and mouth otherwise she would choke to death.

"If she was sick I'd use the same suction procedure to clear her airways. She would stop breathing quite often but I had been told to rub her and administer oxygen from a mask."

Little Sacha was left with such severe brain damage that it not only affected her sight and hearing, but her limbs too.

She had a dislocated hip and her other leg was rendered out of tone, meaning it would remain at 90 degrees to her body.

Miss Iles explained: "She received physio on her arms and legs but they were just too stiff. She couldn't move them. Doctors said she wouldn't make it through an operation on her hip.

"After the brain damage happened she would sleep for 22 hours of the day. When she was awake she did nothing. Even if her eyes were open she couldn't focus."

Miss Iles recalled the moment she died on January 20 this year.

She said: "On Boxing Day she had had a really bad fit and been taken back into hospital. She came out after three weeks but on the day she died the fit lasted a lot longer than usual.

"Normally when she stopped breathing I'd give her oxygen and she'd resume herself. But this time she hadn't breathed for about seven or eight minutes. We just kept waiting and hoping to see her stomach move.

"But since October 13 the doctors had said she would never recover. Only Sacha could make her mind up when she wanted to reach the other side.

"It wasn't a relief at all when she died because I would have done anything for her. But she didn't have a normal baby's existence."

Although doctors had warned her that Sacha's condition would not improve, Miss Iles says she didn't want to believe it and held out hope that she would recover right up until the time she died.

She said: "I do believe miracles happen. Even though I was told she would die you can never prepare yourself for when it eventually does."

Sacha's final resting place is at Fairford cemetery, which Miss Iles visits every day. The headstone bears the inscription Sacha Lauren Iles, Our Little Angel, with a photograph of the smiling baby.

"I keep remembering little things," Miss Iles said.

"Like the fear on friends' and family's faces when they saw her with all the tubes in hospital.

"Or when she was taken away after she had died she was wearing a little yellow hat and I can just picture that little hat. These things just stick in my mind."

Now, Miss Iles is slowly trying to rebuild her life. She says she feels very protective towards her two young nephews, Callum 14 months, and Thomas, 19 months.

But seeing them playing and laughing is a constant reminder that her little girl should be in between the two, joining in on the fun.

She said: "Every single day I always wonder what she would be doing. I wear a picture of her on a necklace and have had her name tattooed on my arm.

"I like having reminders of her, and talking about her. It helps me get through it all."

'Please don't brand my son a monster'

STEPHENSON'S mum has pleaded with people not to brand her son a monster.

Pauline Charlton, of Fullers Avenue, Cricklade, has stood by Stephenson throughout the trial. She needed counselling to get through it.

She said: "He doted on that baby and tried his hardest to save her life. I can't stress enough the love he had for Sacha.

"He has done bad things in the past but the baby changed him and gave him a purpose in life.

"I will never disbelieve what he has done it was simply an awful accident.

"He looked after the baby all the time and took her everywhere with him. She was his life and he became a changed man when she was born.

"This has absolutely devastated him and he has lost a lot of weight. People have made him out to be a monster, but that is so unfair.

"You can ask anyone in Cricklade and they will tell you how much he loved her and everyone here has given him full support.

"Mark knows he hurt Sacha and he wants to take the blame but he is going to suffer that loss for the rest of his life prison can't make it worse for him.

"The message is just don't shake your baby, no matter what, because you don't know the damage you are doing."

In a letter to his partner Carolyn Iles before Sacha's death, Stephenson claimed he had fallen off his go-ped while carrying the baby.

He wrote: "There are things you don't know about and please don't hate me for this but I know how the bleeding prior to that night happened.

"I was on my go-ped with the baby and we fell off but you must understand I do love my daughter."

The court heard how Stephenson also lied to police, claiming he had not shaken Sacha.

But it later emerged that bleeding on Sacha's brain had happened in an earlier incident suggesting a pattern of violent shaking.

I deserve all I get, says dad in jail cell

DAD Mark Stephenson says he will never forgive himself for killing his daughter.

Stephenson, 30, spoke from his prison cell as he waited to hear what his sentence would be.

He said: "I'm not worried about the sentence because I will serve a sentence for the rest of my life anyway. I will never be able to forgive myself.

Stephenson was found guilty of manslaughter at Bristol Crown Court after violently shaking three-month-old Sacha, causing irreparable brain injuries. She was left blind and deaf and died four months later.

He was originally charged with murder but the judge, Mr Justice Owen, instructed the prosecution to drop the charge to manslaughter.

Stephenson denied both charges, remaining insistent that it was an accident. He claimed that in shaking Sacha so hard, he had been attempting to revive her after dropping her while trying to change her bottle.

After more than two days of deliberation, the jury of six men and six women found him guilty last Thursday. He was remanded in custody after the judge adjourned sentencing until the New Year to await psychiatric reports.

But Stephenson said he accepted the verdict and knew that he needed to be punished.

"I think the court gave the right decision," he said. "I have always contested that there was never any intent, but I understand that I hurt my daughter and I must pay the penalty for that.

"I had a fair trial and in a way, I'm happy with the verdict, because I feel a lot of guilt for what happened.

"I used to think I was a good dad to Sacha, but now I don't see myself as a good dad. I've let myself down and let all my family down."

Stephenson, a former van driver, said that when Sacha was born in July last year, he gave up work to look after her while his partner, Carolyn Iles, worked nights.

The couple split up after Stephenson was arrested on suspicion of causing grievous bodily harm the day after he shook Sacha in September last year, but Miss Iles told the court she thought he was a brilliant dad.

Stephenson, who has been in custody for 15 months, lost his father, Alan, to cancer a month after Sacha was injured.

He said he would not be able to start to grieve for either his father or his daughter until he was released from prison.

Stephenson said: "I adored Sacha and I was taken away from her almost straight away after it happened and I've been stuck in prison ever since.

"I think it's only when I get home and reality starts to kick in that I'll be able to start to grieve properly. It has been a really emotional and difficult time for everyone.

"I only hope that people will read this and realise how careful you have to be with small children. I honestly didn't want to hurt her, but it is so easy for something like this to happen."

The jury at Bristol Crown Court was told Stephenson snapped and shook Sacha with such force that the retinas in her eyes bled.

Stephenson then made a frantic phone call to his sister who found Sacha had turned grey, was limp and gasping for breath.

Sacha was taken to Swindon's Princess Margaret Hospital, where doctors described her condition as extremely serious.

Medics said the injuries were typical of violent shaking while Stephenson claimed he had taken Sacha for a walk on a bumpy path.

The court was told that tragedy struck as Stephenson settled down to watch a Rambo video. The prosecution claimed he shook Sacha in a fit of rage, causing the massive injuries.

After the verdict was announced, the court heard Stephenson was given a seven-year jail sentence in 1996 for attempted armed robbery.

In the early 1990s he was convicted for a string of violent offences including actual bodily harm and grievous bodily harm.