'I THINK about sex therefore I am' seems to be the benchmark of human consciousness in David Lodge's new novel Thinks . . .

It concerns a cognitive scientist called Ralph Messenger who has a crush on Helen Reed, the newcomer at the University of Gloucester.

Specialising in the stream of consciousness, also known as a bird's flight, Ralph could be accused of having a one-track, sex-crazed mind.

Speaking of birds, he describes Isabel Hotchkiss' private region as a "densely woven birds' nest" where you might expect to find an egg or two.

Mammals also attract Ralph's interest, especially vampire bats that defecate upside down and indulge in the curious courtship of regurgitating each other's blood.

At this point David, a former university lecturer, stresses that this book is not in the least bit autobiographical.

"Ralph bears no relation to my life or any of my colleagues. Birmingham University was quite a staid place. The green field sites tend to be more active in that department," he said.

Raunchy revelations aside, David offered some useful tips about writing in general.

He thinks being a good writer is all about being a good reader and claims to devote some 90 per cent of his working time to this activity.

David loves uniting binary oppositions, like the intellectual and sensual, because the classroom and boudoir make great bedfellows.

His novels tend to be composed over long periods of time, partly because of academic commitments.

University lecturers have a particularly tough time now as they have to produce books of scholarly research.

"This means producing lots of books the world doesn't want," he added.

But judging from Ralph's extra curricular activities, Think . . . does not fall into this category.