COLUMN: Sadly, there are some toilets which will forever live in infamy. Notorious conveniences whose horrors simply defy description their crimes catalogued over the years by those whose urgent needs are suddenly arrested by the vile visions and smells which assault their senses.

The toilets were brought to our attention by two public-spirited Keynsham women, Brenda Shepard and Heather Steel who called our offices to alert us to this hell-hole.

According to Heather Steel: "They are an absolute and utter disgrace. Please can you highlight how awful they are?"

Brenda Shepard told us: "They are swimming in filth. The walls haven't been touched in years."

So, with trepidation, we decided to pay a call to Keynsham's Memorial Park. Be warned... don't read the following after dark.

Toilet Roll Award: Minus 100

Number of cubicles: Gents 1; Ladies 2. In fairness, the toilet in the Gents was, considering its surroundings, almost miraculously clean.

Number of urinals: One long concrete gash. Utterly filthy.

Washing facilities: In fairness, so shocked were we by its decay and rancid smell, we barely took the time to look for any washing facilities. We have a suspicion that if any exist, it's one of those all-in-one affairs.

Lighting: Natural light, filtered through filthy windows.

Cleanliness: Positively rank.

Decor: A real smorgasbord of filth.

Worth visiting? If the foul and loathsome excite you, then this just might be up your street. Otherwise, call a priest and demand an exorcism.