SWINDON CANCER APPEAL: When John Mills was first told he had prostate cancer he said he thought he was dying from the disease.

Now, a year later, he has realised he is living with it.

And he says the transformation in his outlook is thanks to Macmillan.

John, 63, a general operative at Elmar plastic moulding manufacturers in Greenbridge, said: "Without Macmillan I don't think my life would be worth living.

"I was shattered when I first found out I had terminal cancer.

"I thought it was the end of my life and it even crossed my mind to finish it all off.

"But since meeting the Macmillan nurses it has all seemed better and I've realised that even though I will die of it, I am alive now and I want to live.

"I now want to see England win the Ashes!"

John's battle with the disease began on January 2 last year.

He said: "I remember going to the pub after work and feeling quite rough. I barely had half a pint and went straight home to bed. That night I realised I hadn't been to the toilet all day.

"I felt really ill and stayed in bed for the next two days. My friend got worried when he couldn't reach me and called the police. They found me in a bad way and that's when I was taken to Princess Margaret Hospital.

"After having scans I was told I had cancer and within a couple of days doctors had operated.

"But the cancer had spread into my spine and bones. I was shocked. They told me it was terminal. There was no cure and although treatment could slow it down, I would never get better.

"Once it gets into your bones that's it. You can't replace a skeleton.

"That's when I met Vanessa Davey (whose face is featured in our logo), a lovely Macmillan nurse at the hospital, who helped me come to terms with what was happening."

John, a father of five, then underwent two sessions of radiotherapy in a bid to curb the cancer's activity in his hip and spine.

"It seems to have done some good," he said. "I had a scan in October which showed the cancer hadn't spread any more but I can't have another bout of radiotherapy now.

"It depends how things go but the next step will be chemotherapy. I'm willing to take anything I can.

"At the moment I'm okay as I can still walk around even though I'm in quite a bit of pain."

John's daily cocktail of painkillers and drugs includes morphine, sodium clodronate and celebrex, to help his arthritis, a condition he had long before cancer struck.

His new routine may have been enforced by the disease, but John accepts it as normality.

"I don't mind taking all the tablets," he said. "I carry them with me wherever I go and they help deaden the pain."

John is visited by Ann Yates, a Macmillan nurse based at Prospect Hospice, every couple of weeks.

"Ann has helped take all my fears away," John said. "She comes round and we have a chat but she also sorts my drugs out for me.

"We have built up a very good relationship. You can ask her anything, tell her your worries and feel better for it."

Macmillan also helped find John his new home at the warden-controlled Arthur Bennett Court in Birch Street and arranged a week's holiday in Bournemouth for him.

John, who moved to Swindon following his divorce 13 years ago, said: "Without their help I'd still be stuck in a bed-sit in Manchester Road. Here I've got Homeline and feel more secure knowing there's a warden. It's brilliant.

"And in November I had a wonderful holiday in a special hotel staffed by Macmillan nurses. Before that I had felt frightened about leaving Swindon because all my support is here.

"They've made me realise I do have the strength and courage to go on holiday and now I'm thinking about going to Ilfracombe in Devon at Easter.

"The nurses have said I have months rather than years left. But months can be years and I'm happy to see how things go."

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