A mother who believes her 20-year-old son committed suicide has set up a website to help other youngsters struggling with depression.

Jan Anderson, 43, says she will never escape the feeling of guilt that has hounded her since Kristian is thought to have killed himself in November last year.

She and her family have been left to piece together clues as to why their happy, cheerful Kristian, who once won an Evening Advertiser competition to travel to the Antarctic with explorer Neil Williams, felt such desperation to end his life with an apparent heroin overdose.

But the freelance writer from Freshbrook has remarkably drawn something positive from such a senseless tragedy.

She said: "After Kristian died the foundations of my life crumbled beneath me and I did not believe that I would survive.

"I felt as though my heart had been viciously torn out of my body in an unprovoked assault.

"I wondered why my love was not enough to save my son. I was terrified that something may happen to my other children and, above all, I was overwhelmed by powerful feelings of guilt and failure.

"He died just 10 days before his daughter Kayla's first birthday."

But five days after Kristian was found in a stairwell outside his girlfriend's flat in Walcot, Jan said she felt a strength that enabled her to move forward in the way Kristian would have wanted.

"Nothing that I did would bring him back to me," she said. "So I had to continue to nurture those who were still alive my other children, Anneliese, 17, Carsten, 15, and three-year-old Lauren, and my partner Mike.

"I fear for all the young people walking around with undiagnosed depression, feeling unable to discuss their problems lest they be trivialised.

"Sometimes they don't want to worry their parents, who they believe have worries far greater than their own."

Child Suicide is a supportive website for parents, grandparents and siblings who have lost a child, grandchild, brother or sister to suicide.

Jan founded the site www.childsuicide.homestead.com just four weeks ago and already it receives 200 hits a day.

In addition to providing helpful resources for the bereaved, Jan says she wanted to create a portal for parents to find the help that they need if they are worried their children may be suffering from depression.

"Part of my healing process is helping others," she said.

"That's the best gift I can give. My next goal is to build a community where depressed youngsters can interact with each other in a non-threatening, non-judgmental environment.

"People seemed embarrassed to see me after it first happened, as suicide still has such a stigma.

"They want you to feel better after a few days or they don't know how to cope.

"I found this made a lot of people ignore me, and I felt quite isolated.

"Sue Neill, a nurse at Princess Margaret Hospital was so supportive to me on the day Kristian died and her friendship is still helping me.

"I now try to make others feel better, and find myself wearing a mask when I leave the house."

The inquest date is yet to be set, but it is a day Jan is dreading.

She said: "For some parents accepting their child's death is suicide can be one of the hardest things, but I know Kristian meant to end it.

"He left a note stating that he didn't want to be considered a junkie, just that taking the overdose was the easiest way to kill himself.

"You would never have known that he was taking drugs. He always looked smart and presentable, but I've realised there was so much I didn't know about his life after he left home at 16.

"The inquest will drag up a lot of emotions and it will be very hard but it will be something I have to face."

Kristian's fellow competition winner, Natalie Newell, said she will always remember the fun they had in the Antarctic, when she was 14.

Natalie, 21, who is studying history of archaeology at Liverpool University, said: "I read about Kristian's death and felt so sad.

"I have lots of lovely photos from our trip and often like looking through them.

"My thoughts are with Kristian's mum and the rest of his family."

Some facts about suicide

There were 20,927 suicides in England and Wales between 1996 and 2000

140,000 people attempt suicide each year in England and Wales alone

Estimates suggest the true suicide rate is 50 to 60 per cent higher than the official rate

75 per cent of suicides in the UK are by males

Suicides in young men aged 15 to 24 are now 67 per cent per cent higher than in 1982

Men aged 25-34 have the highest suicide rates

Suicide figures are double the death toll from road traffic accidents

The overall UK suicide rate has been slowly declining since the early 1980s

Some useful numbers:

The Samaritans

10 The Grove, Slough SL1 1QP

Call 08457 909090, visit www.samaritans.co.uk, or email jo@samaritans.org.uk

Compassionate Friends

53 North Street, Bristol BS3 1EN

Call 0117 953 9639, visit www.tcf.org.uk, or email info@tcf.org.uk

www.childsuicide.homestead.com