LOVE Actually is a bit of a misleading title for this movie. For while the glory of love is the over-riding theme of the film, some aspects are likely to bring another emotion to the surface - hate, actually.
That's not to say Love Actually is a bad film - some of it is funny and lovely; other bits are so sickly sweet they may leave you feeling nauseous.
And this is because of the nature of the film. Writer/director Richard Curtis - who cut his teeth on hit sitcoms like Blackadder and The Vicar Of Dibley as well as scripting movies such as Four Weddings And A Funeral and Notting Hill - has divided his movie into bite-sized chunks of romance and comedy, all taking place mostly in London in the weeks before christmas.
The main tales are as follows:
Newly installed bachelor Prime Minister Hugh Grant is struck by cupid's arrow the minute he claps eyes on his tea lady (Martine McCutcheon).
Cuckolded author Colin Firth flees the festivities for the south of France to write his next book, and is struck by Cupid's arrow the minute he claps eyes on his Portuguese cleaner (Lucia Moniz).
Liam Neeson, grieving after the death of his wife, attempts to guide his 12-year-old stepson through the intricacies of love after the lad falls for an American girl at his school.
Emma Thompson fears her comfortable marriage to successful businessman Alan Rickman is slipping away as he has the hots for his secretary.
An office crush for Laura Linney may finally turn into something more serious, until a family issue raises its head.
New bride Keira Knightley discovers her husband's best friend and best man sees her as more than his mate's missus.
Randy sandwich delivery boy Kris Marshall isn't too fussed about love actually - he just wants to have lots of sex and travels to America where he believes women will throw themselves at him because of his English accent.
n And ageing rock star Bill Nighy has had more love than the rest of the characters put together over the years and is looking to spread a little Yuletide cheer by possibly having a Christmas No.1 in the charts.
The stories are linked in one way or another - Thompson is Grant's sister, Linney works for Rickman, Firth attends Knightley's wedding etc etc.
And there are a few amusing if slight running gags and in-jokes - the one featuring a pair of porn movie stand-ins is hilarious; the one featuring Billy Bob Thornton as a US President with a roving eye less so.
Indeed, some of the mini love stories work and some don't. The Knightley love triangle has an agreeable poignancy to it. And we are left wanting to know more about Linney's particular problems.
Neeson's yarn is toe-curlingly embarrassing; the Thompson/Rickman crisis is plain dull; and Grant's Prince Charming/Cinderella reworking beggars belief - granted, Curtis gives his alter ego some great lines, but otherwise it's pure schmaltz. And, in an already overlong film, what is the point of having Grant's PM doing a solo boogie around the corridors of No.10?
It's Nighy we have to thank for the laughs in this film and Curtis supplies him with some great moments, particularly his "Ant or Dec" scene.
Otherwise we get a cosy middle class movie packed with well-off middle class people who live in big comfortable houses and buy expensive Christmas presents. And when we do get a working class character - McCutcheon's char lady - she is a caricature of "Gor blimey, Guv!" proportions.
The film also suffers from a sickly sweet narration - from Grant, naturally - which bookends the movie and is likely to have many people crossing confectionery off their Christmas lists.
Love Actually is a brave attempt by the writer/director, but there is simply too much here to make a wholly satisfying movie experience. As a great man of words, perhaps Curtis should consider these four: "bitten", "off", "more" and "chew".
Rating: 6 out of 10
Film writer Stephen Webb reviews LOVE ACTUALLY
Starring: See below
Director: Richard Curtis
Certificate: 15
Running time: 135 mins
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