SUE Millington looks every bit the contented mum as she plays happily with her sons. But behind the joy at having three healthy toddlers is a deep pain that will never go away.

Sue, 29, of Wootton Bassett, has lost two babies. And she has nothing to remember them by not even a lock of hair, a baby footprint or a grainy ultrasound photograph.

Both babies miscarried at eight weeks and within two months of each other.

Sue and her architect husband, John, 31, refer to them as their "lost daughters." They are never far from their thoughts.

The first miscarriage happened in May 1999 days after the couple's honeymoon.

"It turns out that I was pregnant when we got married but we didn't know," said Sue.

"I have always wanted children. I remember sitting in my school's career's office and the advisor telling me that it wasn't expected for women to stay at home any more and look after the women.

"But I knew that I wanted children and told her so. I would always be the first in my family to volunteer for babysitting even on New Year's Eve."

After her first miscarriage Sue had to quit her job in a dentists' surgery.

"I couldn't stand seeing children running around the surgery when I had lost mine," explained Sue.

"Because I miscarried so early, outwardly I wasn't pregnant. I didn't even have a bump.

"Scans happen between 10 and 12 weeks of pregnancy so I didn't have any contact with the midwife. John and I were on her own."

As the couple were beginning to come to terms with the tragedy, Sue became pregnant again.

The couple thought it was their saving grace.

"I am one of those people who know instantly when they're pregnant it just felt right," she said.

"Then it happened again. I started to wonder if it was me, whether it was that half-glass of wine I had or that box I picked up.

"I know now that it wasn't my fault it was one of those horrible things that sometimes happen. But I didn't then."

Under normal circumstances, women have to wait for the third miscarriage before doctors can investigate.

But Sue persuaded her GP to make an exception and referred her to hospital. She said: "They told me everything was fine. This made things worse. I wanted them to find something wrong so they could fix it."

When Sue fell pregnant for the third time in December 2000 there was little emotion."It was very much a case of 'wow, that's all Sue does she gets pregnant but she doesn't have babies.'"

Even in the delivery room, Sue and John refused to accept they were about to become parents.

"I didn't believe it until James was lying on top of me in the hospital."

Sue then gave birth to William, two, and Jacob who is one.

Sue said the experience of losing a baby can put massive strain on relationships. "John and I didn't talk about it enough for fear of upsetting the other one," she said.

"When the first miscarriage happened our families hadn't had time to register the fact that we were about to become parents.

"And when they did they were walking around on egg-shells nobody knew how to handle it."

Doctor's advice

Dr Peter Crouch, of Taw Hill Surgery, offered this advice: "Often the focus is on mum, but the bereavement is shared by both parents.

"The important message is: don't be shy about seeking specialist help from the outset.

"As most miscarriages occur before the first 16 weeks of pregnancy, we advise couples not to tell everyone until after this as it can add to the trauma by having to tell everyone about the loss.

"Parents are often reassured to know that many women experience miscarriage and having a single miscarriage does not mean you are not likely to conceive and progress normally through pregnancy afterwards.

"Swindon has an excellent Early Pregnancy Unit at The Great Western Hospital if any woman experiences symptoms suggestive of a miscarriage, they can access an ultrasound scan easily."