I AM Max the Mouse and I would like to express my gratitude to the Social Care Inspector who has evicted the cat from the old folks' home in Oxford Road.

Cats are notorious hunters of our species so this is in line with the Government's Anti-Hunting Bill.

My family and I are asylum seeking mice so we will now try to move into the home and integrate with the community.

Moreover, mouse droppings and urine are more hygienic than bits of cat food referred to by the inspector.

Thank you to the Commission for Social Care Inspection, keep up the good work.

Max The Mouse

c/o Plumtree

Brook Meadow, Wroughton